We headed for Sunday lunch at Phoebe’s maternal grandparents. Phoebe is their first grandchild and they are justly proud of her and being amazing support for us as well. My own parents, although having seen four grandchildren through to adulthood are also disarmingly excited and delighted about having a new baby in the family. Everyone’s been abuzz the video of the baby rolling over. I have been able to roll over for about 48 years and I don’t see anyone making a fuss about me.
It’s great to be a proud grandparent and have all the fun of a new baby without too much of the responsibility and after all our parents have been through with us, it’s fair enough that they should show off about having contributed to a new generation. So I found it funny and charming that my in-laws had a new door mat at the front of the house saying “Grand Children Spoilt Here”. It’s nice to know that our parents will subtly undermine us as we try to discipline our child and stop her being a brat. But that’s a good thing and how it must be. I look forward to spoiling my grandchildren (possibly from beyond the grave) after having given my daughter an upbringing of Dickensian paucity and beatings.
So the doormat gave me a chuckle and a nice warm feeling as it’s supposed to. I am delighted that my daughter is so loved by her family. It’s very important.
But something had been niggling at me about the door mat. And slowly it dawned on me. It doesn’t say “Grandchildren”, it says “Grand Children”. Are my in-laws actually saying that they are interested in rewarding children who act in a superior and aloof manner. Are they encouraging my daughter to act above her station and not keep her feet on the ground and will give her prizes if she achieves the goal of thinking she’s too good for this family. That’s not so good.
And then further I realised that the word “Spoilt” is only used in the sense of damaged or ruined. If you are going to spoil someone with gifts the past participle is “spoiled”. So in fact the door mat is giving out a clear message that any superior children who come to this house will be harmed, to an extent that they are no longer useful as children. Whilst I applaud my in-laws stand against arrogant pre-teens, I am not sure that causing them physical and (by implication) mental, (maybe even brain) damage is the right course of action. What I thought was a charming, if slightly gauche declaration of familial love is in fact a dire warning to the children of Hertfordshire- “If you value your physical and mental well-being then either become less affected and aloof or enter these premises at your own risk!” Obviously that’s too many words to fit on a door mat, so “Grand Children Spoilt Here” is the only way to get the message across.
The people who make those mats must know that’s what they’re doing. I mean, if they were trying to write “Grandchildren Spoiled Here” then they have only got one of the three words on the mat correct. And nobody could go into business making door mats and make that kind of mistake by accident.
No one could oppose the cracking down on pompous children, I am not sure that door mats is the medium that today’s youth will best respond to. Is it a hollow threat in any case? There’s only one way to find out, kids. Turn up at my in-laws with a cape and a silver topped cane and your hair all zuzzed up and see what happens to you.
The Kickstarter campaign is approaching its goal so thanks so much to all those of you who donated. If you want to be part of a winning team then get there quick! Go NERD ARMY! I am overwhelmed by your support. I really didn't think we could do it. If we get over the £50,000 we need a couple of thousand more to pay some unexpected filming charges, and anything beyond that will go towards the next series in June/July 2016. So keep snapping up the rewards if you want them.
One off badge donations or non-badge donations at www.gofasterstripe.com/badges will go towards the next series of RHLSTP too. Monthly badge donations will be saved (unless in the case of podcast emergency) to go towards a proposed series of monthly filmed AIOTMs.
But I want to keep as much stuff as possible free for those who can't afford to pay, or who just resent paying (and why should they be penalised, just because they're pricks, it's not their fault), so simply telling your friends about the podcasts and my live shows is genuinely an equally good payment. Especially if your friends are eccentric millionaires who will give money to comedians, but not help out their disadvantaged friends.
