Regular readers will be familiar with the Edinburgh wobble. I had this year’s (might only be the first of many) today. I knew as I was having it how ridiculous I was being and how this always happens and how it will pass, but it still doesn’t help. This year, perhaps, I have more riding on the Fringe and so understandably I am nervous and I am more tired out than I’ve ever been at this stage and today I was effectively planning my retirement from comedy. As usual though, a good gig makes all the difference. After yesterday’s suddenly tiny crowd, things swung in the other direction and there were nearly 400 in tonight (it’s two for one for a couple of days, but even so that is very encouraging) and it went very well and the blues and negative thoughts were more or less banished. Which just shows how shallow I am. Or human. One of the two.
And the play had its biggest crowd yet, so fingers crossed that the word of mouth will get around.
There are certainly some lessons about overworking and focusing on the right things this year. I clearly can’t keep going at this pace and I need to think about my priorities. And give myself some time to relax and have fun. I think that a break from the Fringe might do me some good. So in the unlikely event that I stick with that resolution I want to make sure I kick this thing in the balls this year. Both shows are strong and I think the stand up might be my best one yet. On a day when there are people in it is really ace to be playing a big room with a large stage and really fill the space with the performance. I have enjoyed all the performances of this show, whether big or small audiences. I wonder if I can get through the whole Fringe without a duff one (from my point of view). So far so good. Annoyingly the good Scotsman review that I know has been filed has not yet appeared in the paper. But hopefully there will be more to come.
The positive thing about feeling slightly blue today was the realisation that I hardly ever feel depressed any more. It takes the lack of perspective (or is it too much fucking perspective) that comes from the Fringe to get me down nowadays. But I’ve been punched in the face too many times now to let another punch stop me in my tracks. As much as potential financial ruin is a terrifying prospect, I can cope with the worst case scenario. It would be nice to not have to though.
I talk about my old sketch about the man in the vacuum in the show this year and I think that’s probably quite an apt metaphor for my career. Or at least I sometimes feel that I am working away shut off from everyone else. I am not good at networking or forging alliances with other comedians. I work in my own little bubble. And maybe in the long run that’s a good thing and will lead to some more interesting places. But sometimes it can be a bit lonely.
And then 400 cheapskates turn up to see your show and everything gets turned upside down and you feel like a prick for feeling sorry for yourself.
If you liked the show tell your friends and if you didn’t like it tell them too. I’d rather have the right kind of people in there than a room full of people having a bad time.