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A lot of people have been comparing the strangely named Chuck Blazer off of the FIFA controversy to Father Christmas or George RRRRRR Martin or a pervier looking DLT, but having seen a photo of him standing next to the strangely named Sepp Blatter I have a more worrying theory. I think Chuck Blazer is just Sepp Blather in a bad wig and beard and the kind of prosthetics employed by Eddie Murphy in the hilarious (I imagine) Krumps films. Look at the photo. Look into their eyes. It’s the same person.
Blatter couldn’t even be bothered to come up with a clever pseudonym. He just took his now surname and changed the double t for a z. And come on, a tt and a z are almost exactly the same sound when you pronounce them phonetically. He wasn’t even trying to hide what he was doing.
And how excited and possibly aroused must Blatter have felt when dressed up as Blazer he then dressed up as the devil or Obi Wank a Nobi or one of the other fancy dress options that “Blazer” was fond of?
Which leads to an interesting scenario. If Sepp Blatter is Chuck Blazer then that means that he himself has been wired up and informing on the other FIFA (possible) cheats and fraudsters all along. Perhaps Blatter was put there by the FBI in the first place and then dresses up as Blazer and has slowly (it’s taken almost two decades) been accruing evidence which will put all those crooks away. He may be the only decent one.
Or it’s like Big John, Little John and due to some magical event Blatter turns into Blazer at inappropriate moments and has to move fast to hide his double life. Either way it’s a great story. And I can’t see any other options. It’s one of the two.
Whatever the case I don’t think the FIFA story is over yet and I can’t wait for the film that exposes this incredible extra layer to it all. And it turns out that Blatter has done more than anyone to stop all this corruption. Fingers crossed. I don’t want to lose another hero.
