After a hot but promising gig in the black box that is the Et cetera Theatre in Camden, I was taking a taxi home to avoid the rain and because I am profligate and lazy. The cab was skirting those dark and quiet streets around RegentÂ’s Park. We passed a bicycle that was weaving rather alarmingly and which did not have lights, but at least unlike most London bicycles was choosing to use the road rather than the pavement: perhaps an unwise decision given the riderÂ’s poor road sense.
As we got closer I saw why the bike was taking such an unsure course. There were two people on it and it was most certainly not a tandem. The man on the pedals was (maybe it was hard to see in the dark) in his late twenties, and he was giving a backie to a boy of maybe 13 or 14 who was awkwardly over the back wheel. That was not all though. The child was holding a large blue and white striped golfing umbrella, which he was successfully employing to keep both parties dry.
It was an unusual sight, the kind of which you pass every day in London and donÂ’t give a second thought to. Sure enough we had quickly rounded the obstacle and were on our way. But then I started thinking about what the story was here. Who were these two people? How did they know each other? Which of them had thought it would be a good idea for them both to get on the bike? At what point had one of them decided to utilise a giant umbrella?
If the older had any kind of parental or guardian role over the other then it was surely a reckless way to behave. What had they been up to that night? And had they brought the bike and umbrella intending to use them in this manner or had they just improvised this stupid and dangerous, but strangely aesthetically pleasing and practical mode of transport, that looked like something out of a very low budget and disappointing stage adaptation of
Wacky Races.
They’d get home eventually (providing they didn’t end up under the wheels of a bus) and they’d get home relatively dry and they wouldn’t have spent eighteen pounds on a black cab like some of the dufuses our on the street tonight. It felt comforting to see another tiny slice of somebody else’s life, before heading off into the wet darkness to fulfil my own destiny – which for tonight would be going to bed.
It made me think about what a remarkable species human beings are, ever ready to adapt and use tools in a variety of interesting and moronic ways. We are just efficient or insane monkeys – don’t get me back on that subject – and when you think of us like that we can be quite endearing and cute.
You can imagine an alien civilisation observing this strange scene and finding it fascinating or amusing. In fact probably the alien equivalent of Johnny Morris would be filming it and then putting funny voices to the participants, imagining what theyÂ’re up to, from an alien perspective that had little hope of understanding it, when even one of the monkeys noticing it might be confused.
Once again caught observing the life-affirming antics of others in the rain, whilst I stay uninvolved and dry. Maybe thereÂ’s a theme developing here.
