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Saturday 29th November 2008

Whilst the world continually turns to shit, I seem to be preoccupied with trying to improve tiny things on a day to day level. Which probably shouldn't be the priority when at any point some nutters with machine guns could rock up at the restaurant we're in and fill us with holes because they think a big man in the sky would like that (admittedly they might have other motives).
But I've come up with a water tight solution that will really help to stop people walking into each other in the street. You know that situation when you're walking towards someone who is walking in the opposite direction, and they're in your way and you move to one side, but at the exact same time they move as well and are still in the way, so you move back, but they've moved back and so on, until you get so close that you both have to stop and say sorry. Well I have solved that. Actually I think I might have done it years ago in one of my early radio shows, but today I have tested it and realised why it will definitely work.
All we have to do is introduce the convention that if we ever find ourselves in this situation we move to our own left. If we all know this then the person opposite us will also move to their left and will be able to pass easily. Let's say they don't know about the convention though and move to their right, then we still keep moving to the left. It's the fact that we try to readjust that causes the issue. If they see as continually moving left then they will eventually move left themselves and a collision will be averted. As long as you keep moving left, it doesn't actually matter if everyone is aware of the new custom (the Herring Manouevre as it will undoubtedly become known). As long as you know it and keep moving left then you will be able to pass. Believe me. I tried it today and it worked. It is only the uncertainty and wavering that leads to the problem. As long as you stick to your guns and keep going left you should avoid the issue.
The only problem I can see is if the other person is working on the exact opposite system, in which they have been told that when they are involved in this scenario they must always keep moving to the right. Then you'll both go hard in the same direction and bang into each other and have to stop and say sorry as before. But if that happens then you just have to say to the other person, "By the way, you're in the wrong. The convention is that you go to the left. Remember that next time." Then one more person will be aware of the rule and very soon we will live in a world where no one bumps into each other in this situation.
I felt pleased with myself for having worked this out, because I now know that after only 41 and a bit years I have managed to come up with an idea that will help mankind and also ensure that my name lives on in history for alway. Seriously. This is social gold dust. Pass this info on to all your friends and I think within about a year enough people will know about it to ensure that it never happens again. Remember to tell them it was my idea. I don't expect to get paid every time the Herring Manoeuvre is used. For me the satisfaction of knowing people will be going about their days without this mild inconvenience is enough. Plus the fact that my place in history is assured. I don't even have to do anything else with the rest of my life. I have solved this problem and now I shall rest.

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