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Friday 28th June 2013

Heading out for lunch in the Westfield I was surprised to see one of those mobile advertising hoardings that drive along the road with an image of what seemed to be a bored looking lion fucking a kangaroo. It was for Paddy Power who apparently believe that the rugby test result is already settled and are paying out on bets already. They explain their motivations here. It's all in response to a similar (though reversed) cartoon in an advert from an Australian betting firm. I may be wrong but I think both firms are owned by the same company, so it's less of a response and more of a carefully orchestrated campaign.
That's all well and good, even if they seem to have failed to understand the basis of running a successful bookmaking business (don't pay out bets until the results are in is the first rule of betting shops and I admire them for bucking that trend), but I was a bit shocked to see such an explicit, if cartoon, image of interspecial sex at lunchtime on a Friday. The Christians had warned me that if we allowed gay marriage then strange things would start happening with animals and it looks like they were right. Though personally I blame heterosexual marriage for all of this. It was the straights who gave the gays the idea and now the gays have passed on the word to the animals. Next thing you know inanimate objects will be marrying humans and each other. If only those bloody straights hadn't come up with the idea of marriage in the first place, then we wouldn't be in this terrible world where cartoon lions fuck cartoon kangaroos.
Of course Paddy Power have only done this for the attention and I should just ignore them because shining a light on their inappropriate animal sex cartoons is just doing their job for them. But I actually think this is a bit much. I do some pretty disgusting podcasts, but if I got in one of those cars with speakers on the top and drove round down blaring them out to anyone who happened to be outside then I think people would complain.
Are they also implying that the kangaroo has a disappointingly capacious vagina (or anus if it is a man kangaroo)? "We thought it would be tighter." Is that why the lion looks so bored? He may accidentally have put his lion cock in the kangaroos pouch rather than its vagina or anus. Or maybe the lion just has such a tiny penis that even the kangaroos tight orifices can grant no purchase for him. It's unclear what the message is. But as it's about rugby I suppose we have to assume that both the lion and kangaroo are male and there is a strong homo-erotic subtext to all this. The British lions are bumming the Australian Kangaroos, but they are having no fun because their lion penises are too small to be a tight fit in the famously tiny anuses of the kangaroos. Let's all stop playing rugby and instead go and have a cuddle. It doesn't matter who wins. I just want to be held in your strong kangaroo arms.
It's very confusing. And I think it might be best for Paddy Power if they'd kept their perverse thoughts to themselves. But they're so obsessed with lions bumming kangaroos that they don't even care about running their business properly any more.

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