I got all manly today to make some extraordinarily tiny repairs to my house. My bedroom door has been squeaking and my radiators needed bleeding so I ran to the hardware store to buy a radiator key and a can of WD40. How much more manly could I be? None more manly. That is the answer.
I used the WD40 (come on, if you are manly like me then you know what that is and if you're not then I don't care, because I am manly) on the bedroom door and it no longer squeaks (I am the DIY king) and I even put some in my front door key hole which has been a bit stiff and mended that too. I am incredible.
Then I used the radiator key to bleed my radiators. It takes a certain know-how to do this well, which I suspect you less DIY minded people might not know about. You have to turn it far enough to let the air out, but be careful not to turn it too far, because if you do then water will start squirting out everywhere. Only an idiot could let that happen.
There was a lot of air to get out and I was holding the key for a good three or four minutes. I decided to turn the key a bit further to speed the process up, but was a bit ham fisted and twisted a bit far. Suddenly water was squirting out, not in a tiny amount, but in a big stream. I tried to get the key back in the hole, but the force of water was making it difficult to get the key into place. There was water squirting over the carpet and the wall paper and in a rather comedically pleasing manner into my own astonished cornish face. I am funny even in my day to day life.
It took me a good thirty seconds to realise I had in fact undone the radiator screw so far that it had come out. I now needed to locate it and get it back in place and then screw it up tight again. I finally managed this and the deluge was brought to an end. Mainly thank to my manly competence.
I am pathetic.
Later I had a great run on the pokerstars $20 tournament with 180 competitors. At the end of the second hour my AA held up against a JJ that someone had gone all in on and I found myself in first place of the remaining 20 or so competitors. I kept playing well and by the time there were 18 players left and I was guaranteed a small amount of money I was comfortably in second and challenging for the lead. I was playing very well and most of the hands I went in ahead on were holding up, which was good news. First prize is over $1000 and second is about $760, so I was very hopeful of a good return on my money. Then with about 13 people left and still in second (where just sitting out and doing nothing would have meant I got to the final table) I got a KK. This is an excellent hand and although the chip leader (only just ahead of me) raised before me, I thought it was worth reraising. He then went all in. The only hand that would really destroy me was AA, but I was hopeful that he had ideally a lower pair or something like AK or AQ which would still have given me an advantage.
I decided it was make or break, a loss would put me out, but a win would give me practically half the chips in the tournament and surely guarantee a big pay day and give me an excellent chance to win.
The cards turned over and it looked like happy days for me, as he had JJ. The odds say I would win this showdown 4 out of 5 times. To double my money, I liked those odds. I was excited.
But the flop brought a jack and the turn and the river brought no king, so I was knocked out. But knocked out doing the right thing, so that was some kind of comfort. But not much of a comfort. This is one hell of a depressing game, not least because I know that that guy will probably go on to make $1000 despite making a huge mistake.
And I bet he hadn't been squirted in the face by a radiator like he was one of the Chuckle Brothers either.