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Trying to bring my numbers down, so went for a brief run today and started back on MyFitnessPal (with about 300 calories left to spare at the end of the day). Sometimes this resolve sticks and sometimes it quickly comes unstuck, but at least I am trying.
It’s hard to do this when there’s lots of work on and I had a distinct lack of energy in the afternoon and didn’t get what I hoped to get done done. But at least I thoroughly enjoyed my dinner.
For someone who constantly thinks about my own death, I am ridiculously blasé about my health. Like many idiot humans I sort of think that none of the bad stuff is going to happen to me and that my heart can somehow cope with my obesity. But I’d like to be as fit as possible and live as long as I can, partly for the sake of my kids, but mainly because of me and the fact that I enjoy being here, able to sense stuff and think. Eventually I won’t be here and however long I last alive I still face an equal infinity of not being present any more. But, as much as I also don’t really accept it, I am 50 and being fat poses definite risks to my life.
It’ll be weird if the thing that prompts me to lose weight this time is my daughter asking me to step on the scale, even though she has no understanding of what the numbers that come up mean.
But one day down and I didn’t even use up my extra calories with a beer or two. I still woke up at 3.30am feeling like I do when I’ve had a drink, so there’s no justice.
If you’re read this blog from the beginning then you will have no illusions about how successful this diet will be. Even the last one I really got on board with, where I defied all expectations and almost got down to my BMI, eventually went tits up and here I am, back where I started.
I think it’s fair to say that the parenting bit is getting a little bit easier now that Ernie is older. We’re still woken up through the night, but it’s not as horrendous as it was around Christmas time. And new parents, once the kids get to three, it really starts paying back in cuteness and wonder at how quickly their brains start to develop.
After being a bit distant to me last week (possibly because of all the time away) Phoebe has been really happy to hang around with me this week. And she’s started to find me entertaining and funny. She keeps wanting me to pretend to be her mummy, which is a bit odd and only involves me talking in a high voice (she doesn’t want any kind of satire and when I tried to be like mum by being cross about stuff being messy, she didn’t recognise her mum in that and said so) She loved it tonight when I made her toy pig sing to her and not just the bits where the pig sang about poo (but mainly).
I was happy to leave my failed script writing to play with her instead. It’s probably symbolic of my feeling about work/family balance at the moment.
But this little four day break without a gig does give a taster of how things might be when I take a break from touring.
Last year was crazy for us, with the house move, the new house being a building site, the new house trying to kill us and the new baby, but hopefully things are drifting back into perspective now and we’re working out a way to make things work for us all.
Until the next crisis of course.
But aside from me not hitting book and script deadlines, things are going pretty well at the moment. Nothing can possibly go wrong.
Imagine having to follow that Brian Blessed podcast - Pippa Evans had to and did so amazingly (also helping me through the experience with some therapy)
You can see the latest RHLSTP here
