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Saturday 24th November 2012

Congratulation to @EmmaofEngland who gave birth to a tiny person this week. This particular birth is notable because Emma went into labour due to laughing hard at the Leicester Square Theatre Podcast with Adam Buxton. That's some kind of accolade. Take that podcasters who can only make people feel embarrassed laughing on public transport. My friend Dan Maier had been critical of people retweeting praise for their blogs or podcasts, showing off that they'd made people shoot coffee out their nose with mirth. "Coffee out of a nose? Pah!" I tweeted, "I am so funny I can make a human come out of a vagina." I guess it's only when my podcast is so funny that it actually impregnates someone that I can really say my work on planet earth is done. But for now, forcing a human being into the world due to my funniness (Adam Buxton might be able to take some credit) will have to do.
@SteveSmith quipped, "such a long podcast was she even pregnant when she started listening? :)" and @IvanBrett said "Currently downloading the podcast in the hope that I, too, will give birth. Fingers crossed!"
I am not saying that people should use my podcasts as a fertility/birthing aid, but it can't do any harm. Someone else did point out that the Goodies had once made a man laugh himself to death, but I had made someone come into the world on a tide of laughter (and maybe some other stuff). I am a God.
The story made it on to the suchsmallportions website.
Tonight we watched Twelve Monkeys, which I haven't seen for a while, but which was always one of my favourite films. I was astonished to see just how shit Brad Pitt is in the movie. I'd never noticed it before, but his performance is hammy and unbelievable and quite embarrassing. I was more astonished still when I was informed that he won a Best Supporting Actor nomination for this scenery chewing role. He is completely acted off the screen by Bruce Willis who is phenomenal in this part, properly gripping and given the fantasy nature of his part astoundingly believable. Yet Willis has never been nominated for an Oscar, but Pitt with his mad-eye contact lenses and over the top twitching and fucking about came within a heartbeat of getting an Oscar. Sometimes it's not how you do, it's who you are. Pitt came close to ruining this largely fabulous film that still holds up pretty well. I am ashamed to slightly resemble him.
It seems I am not the only person to fall victim to the poor security measures at Wonga.com. Also I learned yesterday that two cheques had been written from my account for over £4000 apiece. I don't know how anyone has got hold of my cheques or managed to duplicate them (my chequebook has not left my house) and it seems like a highly amateurish attempt to extort funds - who has £8000 in their current account, certainly not me. Though I suspect in this instance the victim of the con is the person who has foolishly accepted the cheque who presumably has given up £4000 of something in return for a piece of paper that was going to bounce out the door. It's most disconcerting to be under financial attack in this way. I don't know if this is a coincidence or if someone is targeting me specifically. For my part I just get to feel a little uneasy and have lost no money, but someone is suffering from this and my guess is that those responsible are going to get away with it. Keep an eye on your bank accounts folks. There's some naughty people out there!
And that's it, ten years worth of blog entries. Hope you've enjoyed them. Tomorrow is the actual birthday, so we'll go into celebratory mode when I write my 11th account of a November 25th, but thanks for sticking with me or for joining in somewhere along the line. It seems no one else is going to make any kind of fuss about this strange and wearisome journey through time, so I'll have to do it myself, but I'll be back with a suggestion of how you can help mark the anniversary tomorrow. Looks like I'll have to do another ten years before anyone properly gets excited about it. Dig in. It's going to be a long ride.
Whoooosh, what was that? That was your life, mate.

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My new stand up show, Lord of the Dance Settee will be touring from October 2014 to May 2015 All details here.
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