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Thursday 24th January 2008

Days without alcohol 25 - that seems a lot. I have to say it's going really well. I am like a totally different person, not just because of the sobriety, but I am eating healthily and exercising and steadily decreasing in size. Without all the calorific alcohol at the end of the night I am finding sticking to about 2000 calories a day surprisingly easy. As I've mentioned if I do exercise then I take away the calories burned off. So this morning I went to gym and decided to try and burn off the 680 calories I had already consumed that day. It was good to have a target in mind, meaning I did about ten minutes more than I might have done otherwise and meant that I had 2000 calories left for lunch and dinner. That's loads!
Chuck your diet books away folks. You lose weight by working out how many calories you burn in a day and then eating less calories than that or by exercising so you burn off any excess and a bit more. Simple!
Of course we've been through this before, and all I need is a slight emotional upset to send me heading for the biscuit barrel (or the actress barrel - no it's usually the actresses that rock the boat in the first place), but this time is different. Of course I say every time that this time is different, but this time is different than those other times, because this time it really is different, whilst the other times I just thought it was different, but it wasn't different.
But the reason there is so little else to talk about is that I am properly getting back into working, which also helps lift by personal contentment. I have got into quite a good routine, generally managing to do some work, then some exercise, have my lunch on the tube as I head into town and then spending the afternoon working in my exclusive West End club. It's much better that I get out of the house and it's not too busy there in the day time, yet I do usually see people I know, which makes it a bit more sociable. Also it justifies the exorbitant yearly fee I pay to be a member of this establishment if I think of it as my office. It would be expensive to rent office space in town, but this works out at only a bit more than a pound a day! Plus what other office would you be working in with the Hollywood actress Neve Campbell sitting on the sofa opposite you? No other office is which office. But that is what happened today. You didn't write an article for the New Statesman with a Hollywood superstar only five feet away from you today did you? That's because I am best than you. And when she stood up her jeans were riding a bit low and I saw the top of her bum! It doesn't get any better than this. What a strange life I have. Though not as strange as that of Mackenzie Crook who was actually talking to Neve Campbell, because he is also a Hollywood Superstar. Less than ten years ago he was up at the Edinburgh Fringe doing character comedy and now look at him. I was also at the Edinburgh Fringe back then, but now all these years later the most exciting thing that has happened to me is to have sat near him and Neve Campbell and looked at them. Yet maybe if things had gone differently it would be me who was friends with Neve Campbell and him just watching. And I tell you what if I had been Neve's friend I would have told her to pull her jeans up to stop the pervy man opposite looking at part of her buttock. Because unlike Mackenzie Crook I would be a real friend.
I think Mackenzie Crook is really good, but I think even he would admit that his career has taken off in a way that he would have never dared dream. This is a crazy business. It makes me laugh.
It's best I am not Neve Campbell's friend. Cos I would just spend the whole time going, "You're Neve Campbell! You lezzed up with that chick from that film about alien insects in that film with that other guy from that other film! Though you didn't take your top off like she did. Which seems ironic given that you're showing off a small part of your arse for free."
I probably wouldn't last long in Hollywood. Mackenzie looked cool and in charge of it all. I could never do that.
So being at my club doesn't keep me away from actresses (though my personality helps with that), but it does keep me away from biscuits - unless I ask one of the staff to bring me some. Which they would.
But it's not all stars. Emma Kennedy was in there too. Balancing the attractiveness of the Hollywood superstar with her stupid Hitchin face. Really they shouldn't let just anyone in there. Just the cool people who don't get phased by being really near Hollywood superstars. Honestly.
Oh and I'm going to a party tomorrow night! Will I crack?

I am very sad to report that Barrie Gosney who played Uncle Barrie in Time Gentlemen Please has died. You may also remember him from the Harry Hill shows. I loved working with Barrie - he was a terrific fella - and Uncle Barrie was my favourite character to write for in that show, because he, like the actor who played him, was intrinsically loveable. I have been thinking of him all day, with his thumbs up and a look of encouragement on his face saying,"You're doing fine!"
He was a star.


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