Not many people can tell me a penis fact that I haven’t heard before, but listening to Sara Pascoe’s audio book “Sex Power Money” ahead of our RHLSTP next Monday I was introduced to an idea that hadn’t ever crossed my cock-obsessed mind. So hats off to Pascoe. She is the true penis expert.
It’s not a stone cold fact, just a theory as to why the end of the human penis has that distinctive bell-end. And it isn’t just to create a good insult. Pascoe suggests that it might be that shape so that it can be used as a sort of spunk collection device to remove the gametes of other men who might have got there first. I knew all about the killer sperm in each ejaculation which will attack the sperm of rival lovers, but had never considered that our penises might also use a more basic technique to remove rivals’ love yoghurt. She theorises (and I don’t think this was her idea, she’s read studies about it) that this is also the reason why the penis retracts quickly after ejaculation so that you don’t scoop out your own boys. And for similar reasons there’s a period where you can’t manage it again so you don’t go up there and undo all the fecund goodness of your first ejaculation.
Though as a young man I could be up and ready in ten minutes or so, so I reckon I’d still have got some of my own out back then. And if ten minutes was all that was needed then there must have been some conveyor belt of lovers going to affect the previous guy.
But there might be something in it. Sloppy seconds was always seen as a bad thing to my juvenile friends (who, to be fair had never had sex, let alone sex just after someone else) but in evolutionary terms it is a good thing. And best of all is to be the sexual goal hanger who waits for all your rivals to sate themselves and scrape out each other’s sperm, before getting in just before bed time and do the last one.
But it’s an interesting idea and all the more remarkable for never having crossed my mind.
It’s a very interesting book, especially if like me, your main interests are evolution and genitalia. Very much looking forward to talking to her about it. Though ever though that’s six days away, I will be talking to five other guests first. And I can't stop thinking of my penis as some kind of tool to put up or take down wallpaper (I am not quite sure which it will be better for).
Bethany Black will be joining me on RHLSTP on 2nd November in Manchester - though there might be a venue change so don't buy tickets just yet (someone will be in touch if you already have).