Why are hangovers on holiday never as bad as they are in the real world? We had a few cocktails last night, but I felt mainly OK this morning. At least better than I would have if I was in Shepherd's Bush. I did make the mistake of leaving the hotle room without my sunglasses and wearing a coat. As the sun was shining brightly this was a double error. Too hot and too bright. I was sick in the back of my throat too, but my point is that this was a light hangover given how much we'd drunk. Ah how I yearn for hangovers that just leave you slightly hot and nauseous. Drinking could be fun again.
We were walking over to the park to take a trip on the famous Vienna Ferris Wheel. It appears in the film "The Third Man" apparently, though I am not sure I've seen that. Or so long ago that I hold no memory of it at all. The walk was longer than I thought it would be, but took us down by the canal where there is some pretty good graffiti and other works of art. My wife posed for a photo on the water's edge, as if tempting me to push her in. It would be twice as funny and inappropriate to do this on her birthday. Yet still she posed. Women want you to push them into canals. I resisted the temptation though.
Finally we arrived at the park. There's a funfair there, but most of the rides are closed due to it being late October. The Ferris wheel was open and we went round on it. I found it slightly underwhelming. I hope the Third Man isn't just three men going round on the Ferris Wheel and two of them getting off with each other whilst the third man feels like a bit of a spare part, but gets bored of looking out the window and reading the graffiti.
My wife was keen to go on some other rides, but the only one we could see that was open was called "Dizzy Mouse" and I thought looked like it was for children. You had to be three to go on it, it said, so surely a 46 year old man would find it mundane.It would cost us 7 euros to go on it, which seemed a lot, but it was my wife's birthday and so for this one day a year she gets to do whatever she wants (in that sense it is like all the other days of the year). I was a bit concerned about the Dizzy part of the title, but our car seemed fairly stable and stuck in forward facing mode. Which was lucky as I was already queasy and no wife wants to be vomited on on their birthday. They love being pushed into canals (try it and see if I am wrong) but being coated in sick only makes them cross (I know all about women).
The ride was a lot more extreme than I had anticipated (not very extreme, but a lot faster and swirlier than it had looked like being). It was made scarier by the fact that it looked quite old and so you felt that a rail might break off or the car might fly off on a corner. Then out of nowhere the car started spinning. Luckily I kept my breakfast down.
My wife seemed delighted by the adventure and screamed all the way through. I was more manly and so just mainly closed my eyes and waited for death. All we needed was for a three year old to get on next and then look bored. But if my wife enjoyed this pretend danger, imagine how much she'd have liked being dumped in a disease-ridden canal. And that would have been free. I have realised I don't know anything about women. Or any of the non-women human beings.
I think the whole Vienna weekend birthday trip has been a success though. The only problem is that it's going to be very hard to top this next year. And if Ferrero Rocher teaches us anything about romance it is that every year needs to top the last.
Only a handful of tickets left for the Sheffield "We're All Going To Die!" on Wednesday. It's always a tour highlight, so come along if you can - book here