6042/18971
The poor weather continued, but that meant an afternoon of hijinks at the local crazy golf course, which also had a few token operated mini-rides and I had fun driving some tiny quad bikes and racing cars with my daughter, who was surprisingly adept behind the wheel. This continues to be the best thing about having children as I never got to do any of this stuff as a kid (or was too scared). So great to be getting this second childhood.
The real point of this holiday is to give our kids a good time, as it continues to be stressful and exhausting for us and I can’t wait to get back to “workâ€.
We haven’t been watching Cbeebies too much at home recently, but over the last two nights we have caught a programme that has been shitting me up big time, called Moon and Me, about some dolls that come alive at night and have adventures with a creepy baby that lives in the moon. You’d think that that baby would be the scariest thing about a kids show, but every character in it is more freaky than the last and I believe that Collywobble, a clown with eyes that look like they are made by someone pissing in some snow, claims the title, for me, as the scariest children’s TV character of all time, including the original Bungle. She is s close to being harmless and fun, but there is something about this twisted harlequin (and it may be what one twitter correspondent referred to as her anus eyes) that haunts my dreams. Noseybonk would probably have abused and murdered you if he could have got his hands on you, but Collywobble would only need to stand in your doorway every night of your life, saying nothing, to make your life a living Hell and then on your hundredth birthday it would finally make its move and rip out your heart and eat it while it was still beating.
I don’t know if this show was made for a bet - who could write the creepiest kids TV show and get it on the telly. But if it was, it has definitely won. Yesterday I watched what felt like a five minute clip of Coillywobble walking down a road, disappearing behind a hill and then appearing again and carrying on the walk. It was fucking mental.
171 days into my abstinence from alcohol and I finally cracked and had my first beer of the year. But don’t worry, it was a Beck’s Blue alcohol free. I am not sure I’ve ever drunk an alcohol free beer before and I don’t think I will be bothering again. It tasted like the first can of Heineken I ever had (which I bought at a supermarket in London when I was about 14 - having somehow been judged the person most likely to pass for 18 despite being a tiny chubby boy). It was all the worst parts of beer without any of the good bit. But at least it did not make me hanker for a return to the alcoholic kind as I had feared, merely confirming that beer is horrible and I have been an idiot for drinking so very much of it throughout my life.
I have to say that being on holiday does make not drinking feel a little bit harder though. But I am eating enough ice cream and chips to undo all the good I have done. So it still feels like a break.
