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Monday 20th May 2019


My wife was guilty of the ultimate betrayal today and I am not sure our marriage will survive it. There are ups and downs in any marriage but some times lines are crossed that cannot be uncrossed.
We have watched every episode of Game of Thrones together and were both excited about the finale today. We both had busy days so were trying to work out when we could watch it. We’d even considered waking up at 5 to try and get it in before the kids woke up. I was awake, but through the love I wrongly felt for this traitorous woman I let her sleep on. We had to wait til Phoebe had gone to nursery. But as we lay in bed to watch it I realised that I would have to leave before the denouement. I had to take the car in for a service at for 10. Then Catie would be going into town for work. We might get a chance to watch the last bit when she was back, after the kids were asleep and before Catie went out to pilates. 
But once we got to the moment where I had to leave, my wife turned to me and said she had a suggestion. We could watch the last twenty minutes separately. She could watch it now and I could watch it when I was back from the garage. 
We’d come all this way together, only to part at the last possible second. I was like Dani and she was like John Snow. 
Logically it made sense - we didn’t want to see any spoilers before we could finish the thing. But romantically it is the end of us. We will carry on in this throneless, loveless, trustless marriage for the sake of our children and also because it seems like a lot of effort to get divorced and find new partners. But we both know what this meant.
I watched the last twenty minutes as I waited for my car. It wasn’t that good. All the exciting stuff had already happened. I saw no spoilers all day. We could have waited after all.
Or maybe true love is about letting your partner occasionally watch 20 minutes of Game of Thrones on their own. Or with a couple of other people. Whilst having sex with them. And yes, that will take me 20 minutes because I am an excellent lover. Get over it.
I have to say if I could pick the 20 minutes to watch without my wife, it wouldn’t have been this 20. No one even got their bum out. It was very hard to get off on at all. Luckily I still managed. And then I was thrown out of the car dealership.
I was in a car dealership all along. And masturbating.
Oh yes. I said I was earlier. That was not the surprise I was hoping for.
I haven’t minded this series of Game of Thrones, though maybe this last 20 minutes was (ironically) anti-climactic. I don’t know why they didn’t string it out for longer, just from an economical point of view. Was it because the actors were not contracted for any longer? That’s the only way I can make sense of it? But even if I had hated it I don’t think I would have signed a petition asking them to remake it. Are we really getting to the point where everything has to be decided by a public vote? Even entertainment? And people feel they had the right to be cross because a TV show didn’t go the way they thought it would?
I think we probably are. Still it’ll make being a writer much easier. So I am all for it. 

Double podcast Monday biatches. One of my favourite ever stone clears here.

And a snooker frame that will be marred by the post-match petulance of one of the players.

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