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Friday 17th May 2019

6008/18937

When you select a film you’ve never heard of from your subscription service you rightly expect it to be embarrassingly rubbish. That’s not only your expectation, but your demand. I am going for something that must be truly terrible and I am going to enjoy 90 minutes of being bamboozled by how this even got made. This also works for Adam Sandler films. I am actively disappointed if he does a good one. How dare he let me down like this.
So when I saw a time travel film on Now TV that I had never heard of I was pretty sure I was in for a fun night and picking it apart and getting cross about them not understanding how time travel works. I want to call the film Time Cave (which is what it should be known as, but it’s called Time Trap. If only I had named it then you’d all have heard of it.
Sadly the film wasn’t terrible - it was that worst of all film states, OK. It’s about some kids getting trapped in a cave and slowly realising that time moves a lot more slowly down there than in the outside world. Which would have been an interesting thing for the audience to discover with the characters, except it’s called Time Trap, so we all know what is going on right from the start. But it’s at least fairly consistent and a nice enough idea, although there’s a weird plot strand about the fountain of youth which isn’t strictly speaking necessary, except that it (spoilers) helps bring some characters back to life, but not (I don’t think) the space man who arrives and ends up helping them.
All right, it is pretty bad. But it was just better than my expectations when I selected it. And the time stuff at least is logical even if the fountain of youth and the space man somehow knowing about the lost people isn’t. I’d rather see the film about all the people after they’ve been rescued and hope that the conquistadors and cave men get rescued too. Plus I’d actually rather see a film about the parents of the kids trying to work out what the fuck has happened and dying none the wiser.
But this film was not terrible and my evening was ruined.


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