I am playing York Opera House on Friday.
This is a big venue.
No really. A very big venue.
It has 1005 seats.
This time last week I had sold 6 tickets (which I felt was a shame as it would have been nice to have had over 1000 empty seats)
Today it had gone up to 116. Which would be a very good figure for any other venue, but still leaves an impressive 889 tickets to sell. Of course, unless youÂ’re Robbie Williams (who sells out within the first minute of the seats going on sale), most tickets do go in the couple of days before the gig. I would imagine there will be over 200 in. If I sell more than 150 in every venue then I will be very pleased. Of course most of the venues donÂ’t have over a thousand seats!
In an attempt to drum up some more punters I headed for Broadcasting House at midday, for a pre-recorded interview with Radio Leeds. Through some kind of scientific magic (probably a telephone) I was able to be interviewed by a man and a woman in Leeds, even though I was in a little cupboard sized studio in London. Amazing! What will they think of next.
The couple were a bit nervous about interviewing me about my cock-based show, as they informed me most of their listeners were over 60 and they didnÂ’t want them having heart attacks. I wondered how effective this interview was going to be in increasing audience numbers. My guess was, not very.
I think they were worried that I might just shout out “COCK!” (I don’t know why they were worried. It wasn’t live and they could just edit it out, or not play the interview) , but I told them that it would be fine and that I could talk about the subject in a delicate manner. There was some discussion as to whether we could say “Vagina Monologues” (I think it was the vagina bit they were worried about, but maybe the concept of talking to yourself is more frightening if you’re a DJ on Radio Leeds!) or even penis. We decided that that would be OK.
It is frustrating, both as a person trying to publicise a show about cocks and as a grown-up human being, that there are subjects which have to be skirted around because a minority of people can’t even hear the correct medical name for a part of the human body without getting offended. I made this point in the interview, saying that it is the fact that we won’t talk openly about our genitalia which ultimately leads to all the shame, secrets and embarrassment. As one of the questionnaire respondents says in my show “I remember thinking if God created me with a penis, what was so dirty about it? Why must it be hidden from view?”
It is also a problem that I couldn’t even mention the name of the show. In these circumstances I tell people we should call it “Talking Clock”, and it’s all about clocks. Men’s big clocks.
In the end I think they were very happy with what weÂ’d talked about. We had had a (mainly) adult chat about the problems men encounter with their genitalia and their identity. It was actually a pretty interesting discussion. I hope they donÂ’t cut it to bits (or Bobbitt it). And I hope the 60 year old listeners of Radio Leeds will at least find it interesting, though I will be very surprised if any of them come to the gig.
Oh, and if you know anyone who lives in York, do give them a ring or e-mail them and tell them IÂ’m on.
There, that message alone has probably sold me more tickets than Radio Leeds (ie more than none) and I didnÂ’t even have to leave the flat.
