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Monday 12th January 2009

Oh Fuck I'm 41 and a half! Time is going too fast. I know that I'm going to blink and I'll be 50. I wish I was 40 again. How did I never realise how young I was back then. Now I am old. I will never look back at today and wish I was 41 and a half again. I should have just stuck at 40. Damn.

Collings emailed today to say that he'd got some unexpected work and probably wouldn't be able to come to the cottage. It sounds fishy. Collings plus paid work? It does not equate. But I can't think of any reason he'd have to be scared to come up here.

Not much writing done today, but loads of thinking and planning, which is just as important. There was one gut-wrenching, sick making moment when I accidentally deleted the whole chapter I was working on, rather than just a block of text that I was moving to another document. I was working on some software called "Scrivener" and there seemed to be no undo button. Three days work had, I thought, gone down the toilet. I had an earlier version saved in Word, but had done so much to it that the idea of starting again was almost unbearable. But luckily I then spotted the trash folder and my chapter was safe and sound in there.
I did spend a lot of the day procrastinating. For some reason I went to check out the actor Kevin Eldon's wikipedia page and was astonished to see that the role that made him famous and with which he is most identified was not even mentioned. I rectified the issue immediately by adding the sentence "principally known for his portrayal of Norm in the Twix adverts," right at the top where everyone would see it.
How this wasn't on there already, I don't know. I must admit that I had put it on there one time before a few months ago, but it seems to have disappeared. Who would remove the truth from a reputable encyclopedia? I wonder if Eldon himself daily checks his own wikipedia page, like some kind of tragic saddo and edits out things he doesn't like or is embarrassed about. Don't be embarrassed Kev. Norm was your finest moment. If you hadn't done that part then you would probably have never got offered the role of the slightly disabled looking Egyptian alien in the film "Stargate". Even though Stargate was probably before the Twix adverts. I still think the whole Norm thing probably influenced your casting.
If you have any doubts that Kev played Norm then I present exhibit a. "Grey will never go out of fashion, because it's never been in fashion!" Brilliant. Though doesn't Norm's self-awareness here slightly undermine the character? I am sure that the creators of the advert - Tim and Chapperoo if the comments are to be believed. Chapperoo is very proud to have created this idiot and rightly so. I don't know how they came up with such an idea - were aware of this and it just adds an extra layer to the character. He is self aware. And the thing is, he is right. With the benefit of hindsight the girl does look like an idiot in those 1990s clothes, whilst Norm looks no more of an idiot today than he did then. Were Tim and Chapperoo subtly undermining the whole idea of Twixes only been eaten by cool people? Were they in fact saying that anyone who followed fashion or listened to an advert when choosing a biscuit, were in fact the norm, whilst Norm was the individual? I think that is certainly the way Eldon was playing him.
Luckily the truth is out there as one of the comments from
caemawred reads "Even though i know Norm is played by Kevin Eldon, Norm always looks like Lee Evans to me."
Unconvinced by this overwhelming evidence? Well
here's Eldon again this time trying to convince a young man to buy a grey car instead of a red one, like some kind of John Majors! Not that that could be who Tim and Chapperoo were basing the character on. After all Spitting Image had been doing that joke for years when this advert came out. What kind of buffoon would steal such an old idea? Anyway John Majors doesn't have funny teeth. It's an entirely new creation. Nobody had done a nerd character before 1997. Eldon created it and has been much ripped off ever since.
And more proof, if proof be needbe, as just yesterday someone called Richherring1967 wrote "Kevin Eldon's finest moment on screen". In fact this richherring1967 character seems to have got a bit obsessed with pointing out the truth, which if I am honest looks a bit weird.
Aside from people completely wrongly wondering if it's Lee Evans (it just so isn't), Eldon is the only name in the frame. So why take it off you wikipedia page Kev?
If you still require evidence then simply google "Norm from the Twix adverts" and the only entry that names the actor from the first page of results is this one, which also suggests a reason for Eldon's reticence at admitting it's him. This page also suggests that Eldon played the part and this one confirms it. I thought for a moment that this man was claiming to be Norm, which is ridiculous, he looks nothing like him, but in fact Norm from the Twix adverts is just one of the many people he has worked with. That's a bit rude Nigel, call him Kevin Eldon. Norm is just one of the characters he has portrayed. It's people like you who make him ashamed of the work and to deny he had anything to do with it.
Keep looking through and aside from Lee Evans (who I can promise you hand on heart, 100% it definitely is NOT) only one name comes up for the role. Kevin Eldon. Even Ben Goldacre would be satisfied with this mountain of evidence.
And you'd think if someone else had done the part, and hadn't been in much else besides, then they would have plastered it all over the internet (after all naughty nigel thinks it's enough kudos just to have worked with the guy).
But like Superman and Clark Kent, Kevin likes to keep the two identities separate. He will deny it was him until he is blue in the face. But if you see him in the street, do shout out "Grey will never go out of fashion, because it's never been in fashion" at him in a stock nerdy voice or "Norm's the name, sensible's the game!" He will look furious and might start shouting at you. But inside he loves being reminded of those happy times.

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