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Tuesday 10th May 2005

Both the bulbs had gone apparently. A nice man in a garage in Bournemouth discovered this, changed them for me (which was a lot more fiddly than it might sound - he had to take the car apart a bit to do it) and charged me ten pounds including parts (the bulbs were five pounds each), even though it had taken a good twenty to thirty minutes to isolate the problem and fix it. You wouldn't have got such cheap (well free) service in London. I may travel down here for every problem I encounter with my car.
I was in town because I was appearing in a short film that was being made by some students who I had met when I was down here doing my sell-out smash show in Wimborne. They'd sent me a script which was unusually funny and asked me if I would make a very brief appearance at the end of it, playing Jesus.
The part had no lines and involved me basically having a drink and then winking at the camera (which I thought I was capable of), but I would be playing Jesus. Who Christians believe was the greatest man who ever lived. When Robert Powell had played him, it had led to fame and fortune and ultimately a part in Jasper Carrott's "The Detectives". I couldn't turn this down.
The shoot went incredibly quickly and smoothly. Being a student production they did not have a lot of money to throw around, so my costume had been improvised at the last minute and I had no winnebago to sit in until I was needed and work upon my motivation for the scene.
Basically I just turned up (late) was wrapped up in a big bit of cloth and then we got on with it.
I think you will find that I was the definitive Jesus. I thought very hard about how he would be feeling if he was sitting in a pub in Bournemouth, drinking a fizzy cocktail. I worked for days on the wink I had to give to the camera and as I walked out of the pub I did so in the holy, but cocky way that I am sure our Lord genuinely had. He was known for his swagger. And his wine-bibbing. Check it out in the Bible. It's all there.
I got no more payment than the satisfaction of knowing that no actor on the planet (including possibly Jesus himself) could have done the job as well. Oh and a diet coke. And a few sips of the lemon and lime drink we used in the shots to look like a cocktail.
But the money I saved on using a local mechanic probably made this my highest paying acting job ever. Possibly minute for minute the highest paying acting job there has ever been.
If you are quick and donate to the justgiving page you might still get your name in the programme, but that offer is about to close. Though the page will remain open if you want to donate for the fun of it!

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