<< Sat 9th Mar | Thu 7th Mar >>
Friday 8th March 2013
On Twitter at least International Women's Day has become "International Idiot Men Asking "When's International Men's Day?" Day". And it's also become "People Then Responding "November 19th" Day". The kind of idiots who feel the need to question the concept of International Women's Day don't even know that there is already a day for men (an official one, rather than the regular kind where they get more money, power etc). But even if there wasn't an international men's day then if that really bothered you you could set one up. I love it when people try to manufacture an injustice out of a situation where they are clearly in the ascendant.
It's all so self-centred, insecure and transparently pathetic. Just as on Sunday a lot of children will be questioning the concept of Mother's Day by asking when there will be a Children's Day. Though at least the children have the excuse of being children and thus naturally self-centred and unable to process the fact that they actually have a pretty cushy life where they are at the centre of everyone's focus. And rather joyfully you can answer children in a similar fashion to idiot men because there is an International Children's Day. It's on June 1st. And it's dedicated to all those children worldwide living in terrible circumstances and being forced to work for little to no reward. But I don't think that's what the pampered kids questioning Mother's and Father's Day are thinking about. Like the grown-up children questioning International Women's Day they are actually just thinking of themselves. "When will I get someone to wait on me and bring me breakfast in bed and let me put my feet up and watch the telly? When will that happen? You know, apart from every single fucking day."
If you complain about this kind of stuff you might as well spend most of your year saying, "Why is it everyone else's birthday? When will it be my birthday?" Or be the child who cries at another kid's birthday party because they're not getting any presents. It's the same self-centred impetus. Or you're just so bloody-minded that you think that if there's a day for one thing then there has to be a day for the opposite thing as well, or it's not fair, even if one of the things has no need for raised awareness. International Women's Day? When's National Man's Night?"
"Christmas Day? When Will there be a Satan Day?"
"Sunday? When will there be a Moonday? On hold on, just checked my calendar, it's the day after. Sorry for wasting your time."
"Every Dog has its day? When will every cat get its day? Think of the cats!"
"A cat has nine lives? When will a dog get eight more lives? Think of the dogs."
"Doomsday? When will there be a lovely, pleasant day?"
"Martin Luther King Jr Day? Where's the Hitler Day folks?"
"Groundhog Day? When's Skyshare Day?"
I could go on. And I did on Twitter today.
I actually feel sorry for the people (there were some women) asking why we don't have an International Men's Day (when we do). They are the most oppressed minority of all. Which is why I am proposing that we make today, "International Wassock Day" a day for all the wassocks who ask when International Men's Day is and also all the people who say "It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve." And for this one day no one is allowed to mock them or tell them that it's November 19th or point out how stupid, self-centred and childish they are.
I recorded a fourth Talking Cock podcast this afternoon. It's up on the British Comedy Guide and iTunes.
Also I returned to the town of my birth, Pocklington for a much better show than the last time I was there, six years ago. "I was born here," I told them at the start. "Unlucky," shouted a heckler.
<< Sat 9th Mar | Thu 7th Mar >>