First thing this morning I heard my daughter saying to my wife, “Daddy eats wee wee and poo.”
I told her that in confidence.
But of course I am delighted that she’s talking like this. I hope she never grows out of it. Because if she does then that is the last time I will ever make her laugh.
Later I called her my princess and she wasn’t having that. “I’m not a princess. I’m Phoebe,” she told me. Quite right too. Before adding, “I’m Spiderman”. I couldn’t be prouder of her today.
After all yesterday’s talking and taking on the smiling maelstrom that is my son at 5.30am today, I was feeling properly fucked. Usually I try to have some down time on a Tuesday, because RHLSTP is a mentally exhausting evening, but today I was heading back into town for an important meeting about a secret project that I can not yet tell you about. Hooray, I am like one of those pricks on social media who tell you to stand by for an announcement. I’ve always wanted to be one of them. But I can’t tell you about it yet. Don’t worry. I am not going to be back on the telly. I just want to be on the telly.
I felt a bit woozy from tiredness and illness in the meeting, but managed not to faint, which might have blown everything. But after my disastrous TV meeting last month it was nice to be treated with enthusiasm and respect. I even got taken out for lunch in a trendy restaurant overlooking the Thames and St Paul’s Cathedral. I’m back baby.
Just not back on the telly.
You will be the first to find out what all this is about. God, it’s great being a self-important prick. All those times on social media I thought it was awful. But when it’s you refusing to make the announcements it’s really awesome.
And it wasn’t over. Then I had a phone call about appearing ON THE TELLY (as long as that’s how you watch Netflix). Sadly they weren’t putting any of my old stand up shows back up or offering to do a highly produced special (NOT YET, BUT MAYBE AFTER THIS), but I am going to appear (in I think a fairly fleeting way) on a new drama/documentary about Russia before the revolution and they want me to talk about Rasputin. Yes, after all these years and all the hard work I put in to getting a history degree (in the four days before my finals) I am being employed as an expert on history. Who knows where this might lead? I only to have to get another 70 or so jobs like this to totally pay off the huge loses I made writing that play about Felix Yusupov.
But all of this stuff is positive. Even if my old bones and my tired head are telling me it’s time to take on less work. But all the work I have on will be finished by June (aside from series 14 of RHLSTP) and I might have done enough by then to take it relatively easy. But let’s see what other opportunities present themselves.