They're digging up kings like it's nobody's business. Today it was the turn of Richard the Lionheart. His heart was buried separately from his body in a box in Rouen and now scientists have examined the powdered remains and discovered that far from having a lionheart, Richard had a human heart all along. It's blown the history of the early middle ages to pieces. If Richard's heart was actually human then what else about him is made up? Did he really also have a leopard pancreas? And a stoat's appendix? And a kangaroo's cock? Some historians think that the human heart proves that the Muslim-killing king probably didn't have any organs from a different species, but we have to be scientific about it. I still think he might have had a snail's skin. This un-lion's heart disappointment doesn't mean that the "Richard I had lots of animal organs society" that I formed is wrong. He could still have a human heart and a blue whale's anus. I am not giving up on my obsessive quest to prove this.

Hopefully the people who can use the heart of a person to build an accurate representation of what a person's whole body looked like will prove me right when their model is finally finished. It will make for an interesting Channel 4 documentary. And at the end, if the Richard I model has loads of animal organs and a crocodile tail and an octopus' eye then I will marry it. Because I am in love with Richard the Quaggaduodenum (as many of his contemporaries called him).

A hard day of driving today from Cheddar to Shrewsbury and from Shrewsbury to London with the small matter of a show in between. I was on the road for seven hours and was reminded why I needed to get a tour manager this time round (Giles was in London working on Mark Watson's impressive 25 hour show, whilst Emma Kennedy weed in a bucket, so he troubles of his own). The show was sold out (or near enough) and another fun one. I seem to have managed to make the failing to get an erection with a cucumber section work. It's always been one of my favourite bits in the show, but the audience hasn't necessarily always agreed (even in the first run of the show). I don't know quite what I've done to make it hit better (possibly just enjoy it more) but it's got big laughs for the last few nights. It's amazing that it's still possible to improve a comedy routine even after what must be 300 performances).

I hit 135000 miles in my car on the way home. There's (at least) one more journey to make with it (to Birmingham and back on Sunday), though we'll be back in the hired people carrier for next week's gigs, so think this is nearly the end of the line for me and my first ever car. I am feeling a little emotional about handing it over to someone else already.

[ Email this edition of Warming Up to a friend ]