An historic day as the Queen shook hands with Martin McGuinness, something that most people would never have believed could ever have happened. There is blood on those hands. But whose hands? I get a bit confused.

These two have been at loggerheads for so long and avoided meeting each other that I thought it might be rather sweet that when they finally met and touched each other, there was a spark (not like that) and they fell in love. I thought it might make a brilliant romcom. "She was the head of a 1000 year old dynasty, he was part of a paramilitary group intent on their destruction, but when they met the only thing that exploded was their hearts."

In some ways I think their opposition to each other was a bit too extreme, like they actually always fancied each other, but didn't want their friends to find out. But love conquers all and we have no control about who we fall for. I think it would have been rather wonderful if they'd shaken hands, looked into each other's eyes and then just fallen into each other's arms. Maybe this is the sitcom idea I've been looking for. Imagine the hilarity of them going round to each other's friends' places for dinner. It's like Romeo and Juliet, only much better.

Unfortunately Prince Phillip was around which maybe curtailed the romance for the moment though he seemed a bit pissed off with McGuinness for some reason, so maybe he sensed something in the air. I thought the Queen did a better job of being polite and letting bygones be bygones. But she was actually smiling so much that I think she might have secretly soaked her glove in cat wee before the meeting and so was smiling because she knew Martin would have cat wee on his hand for the rest of the day. Or maybe she was using a false Rod Hull style arm to shake his hand with and her real hand was inside her jacket and flicking the vs, or she had her fingers crossed.

But maybe McGuinness was smiling because he had secretly dipped his own hand in the ebola virus before the meeting and so knew that finally he was going to take the Queen down. He could have shouted, "Ha ha ha, the whole peace process has been a ruse leading up to this moment and now you've got the ebola virus."

That's what I would have done if I had been him.

But it looks like there was no murder, no love and no Rod Hull hands involved. Where's the fun in that?

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