My parents are in Middlesbrough visiting my amazing 95 year old grandma, Doris. As I have mentioned before, her memory is now very shaky and sadly she doesn't really know who I am any more.

I was on the phone to my mum updating her on my news, but could hear my dad in the background attempting to tell Doris who I was, "He's a comedian," he said. Doris clearly had no idea who I was, but was gamely chipping in questions.

"Is he good looking?" asked my grandma.

"Well he's a bit short and fat," replied my father, unfortunately for him in a bit of a lull of my chat with mum.

"Quiet Keith," said my mum, "He heard that."

The best way to play this from my dad's point of view would be of course to pretend that he had known I had heard all along and that it had been a kind of a joke. But instead he tried to talk his way out of it, somewhat ineptly I have to say, "Nothing wrong with being short and fat though," he said, "And he is very good looking despite that."

"He's not fat," countered my mum, tellingly making no such rebuttals about my alleged shortness. These are my parents.

"You know I love you anyway" was my dad's final attempt to make up for his rudeness - the "anyway" not really representing any kind of apology.

I didn't mind about any of this. It's all good material for any potential series of YCCYF. I can turn their insults into cold hard cash and so I need them to keep this up. It's hard making stuff up, but really easy to just copy things down.

Then my grandma said "Well, I wouldn't know him if I saw him," which was the only thing in the conversation that made me sad.

Life can be very cruel, but I have many happy memories of my grandma, even if she doesn't remember me. Though soon enough my memory will get corrupted too and then all will be forgotten.

[ Email this edition of Warming Up to a friend ]