Tuesday 13th February 2007
Rehearsals began today and everything ticked along very nicely. I am so pleased with the cast. They are all so perfect. I seem to spend my whole time laughing at what they are bringing to the script, even embarrassingly when I am meant to be acting alongside them.
The main direction I seem to be getting is to stop smiling when I am delivering my lines, but I am smiling because everyone else is so funny. Apparently acting means that you are able to rise above that and not let your own enjoyment seep through. Luckily my "character" Ian is quite a happy chap and so I can get away with it for most of the time.
I spent most of the afternoon lying on a crash mat (which was acting as a bed and even though it is in an inaninimate object was still a better acting than me) kissing and canoodling with the beautiful Sarah-Jane Potts. Not for my own enjoyment - I can assure you I got none - I was working.
That's right. I have managed to find a job where I get paid for kissing actresses. If only I had found out about this years ago I could have been a millionaire. I have given away too many kisses to actresses for free.
I had to keep making sure with the director that I was actually getting paid for this. I have had some crappy jobs in my time - if only I had known that if I had just become an actor I could make good money this way. I don't know how you made money for your daily bread today, but I think you would be hard pressed to have such a cushy employment as me.
Of course there is a lot of acting work that doesn't involve rolling around on a crash-mat with a pretty actress, but I think that I am going to only accept jobs where this is pretty much all I have to do. I might put that on my Spotlight entry - "Richard Herring - only accepts roles which mainly involve kissing actresses. And only pretty ones. Will only do rehearsals" Then I can sit back and wait for the work to flood in.
I am sure there will a lot of demand for me and I will spend the rest of my life kissing actresses for five days a week and then having the weekends for myself. It's a plan and I am sure the fact I wrote this script has nothing to do with me getting this part. Other writers will be desperate to write me kissing scenes.
Though after a while all that kissing would be quite hard work, so maybe I could just lose the actress bit and only accept parts which involve me lying in bed on my own, sleeping. That would be perfect. Get out of bed, go into work, go to bed, sleep for nine hours, get up, go home, go to bed. Yeah now I've thought of that I feel I have had quite an arduous afternoon after all.
I love my life. It's not often though is it that you read Warming Up and feel envy. It's usually something you read to make yourself feel better about your pitiful life - at least there is someone worse off than you. You don't click on this website to find out that the loser you like laughing at is suddenly making you look like a schmuck.
Don't worry, I am sure life will very soon slap me in the face, kick me in the testicles and it will be back to the usual cavalcade of failure and depression.
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