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Monday 7th October 2019

6140/19070

Bed and breakfast at the Premier Inn in Exeter on a Sunday came in at just over £40 a head and once again I found the staff of this chain to be friendly and much more helpful than they needed to be.  But once my bacon and scrambled eggs were ingested it was time to get back on the road to head home.
I made the most of the time (I was, I should add, not driving) and tried to get more guests booked for the tour. And I had a couple of notable hits for the London dates securing Robin Ince for the 14th October and Charlie Brooker for 4th November. Of course the Badgers got this news first and by the time I was home had snapped up well over half the tickets for the Brooker/Parris double bill. If you’re super quick you might be able to get some of the remaining seats. 
And once I was home there was not much time to relax as I had a raft of PR interviews for the tour, but they just brought home how soon the gigs are and how far off I am from having guests for them all. 

Apart from that I spent the day being annoyed by the number of people who were making the Calzone Express joke upon the news that Pizza Express might “fold”. It’s not a particularly good joke, but with a pun that obvious you really need to be the first to get any type of credit for it. So to see it repeatedly coming up again and again became annoying, particularly, I would guess, if you work for Pizza Express.  I love this restaurant and hope it and the jobs can be saved. Thankfully I am married now, because my Pizza Express seduction technique was 100% successful (used it twice and it worked twice) and I suspect that if I were single and there was no Pizza Express I would never have sex again. The technique is to order the Veneziana and when the bill arrives tell the waiter or waitress that you do not wish to pay the discretionary 25p to the Venice in Peril fund, because you hate Venice and want it to be destroyed. This will cause confusion because although the menu trumpets the discretionary nature of this donation, there is no button on the till to subtract that amount. Your date will be impressed with your pettiness and hatred of people who build a city on water and then have sex with you soon after. It worked for me. And I’d like you to try it too. But be quick.
Are Venice clubbing together to help Pizza Express now. Course they aren’t the waterlogged cunts. It’s all take, take, take with these guys.
But if your date is really successful and you end up having kids then Pizza Express is also a great place for families. So let’s all go and buy a pizza tonight and keep this place going. What a crazy world where something this good can be lost and something as bad as Venice can survive. I owe Ian Pizza-Express so much. Including sex with two ladies.


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