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It continues. I knew I'd be back. More spookily I knew you'd be back. And there you are. Chilled to the bone? You're welcome.
More fun with Feebs today as we headed down to a cafe with a basement with a soft play area. And bang, it’s been worth the expense, the sleepless nights and the shitty nappies right here. Because now I get to play in a soft play area and it’s fucking magic. You can’t do that if you are 48 and don’t have a child. And if you try things will turn pretty sour pretty quickly.
Back in the 1970s, if such things existed, I did not get to go on them. I didn’t even go on a bouncy castle until I was over 20 years old and they had one at a University ball I’d wheedled my way into by supposedly being a comedian. There weren’t many bouncy castles in Cheddar back then and the rare ones that turned up I wasn’t allowed to go on, probably because my mum thought they looked dangerous. I mean she was right, but that’s not the point.
But now I am in charge, mum, and I can go anywhere I like and you can’t stop me. So I went to a soft play area with my baby daughter and pretended I was going for her. And though I had to live my life vicariously through her and mainly play with her as she did the lower grade soft play things (oh the irony, most of the room was off limits for being too dangerous for my child - I guess we do turn into our parents), but I chucked her in a little pool of red and yellow balls, and although she looked a bit uncomfortable and like she might cry, she was doing it for me. Because I never did it. Probably. That I can remember anyway.
There was a small slit in the wall of the ball put that allowed a baby or small child access. I wondered if I might sneak through too and immerse myself in the pool. It wasn’t a very big one and it wouldn’t have covered much of a grown man, but I reckoned I was small enough to get through the slit. Dare I break all human convention and decency and jump into a tiny ball pit in front of other parents and children?
As it turned out. No.
But I am coming back here super early one day, on my own and I am going to have the time of my life. Until some other parents arrive and have me arrested.
The final RHLSTP of 2015 is being recorded on Sunday at 4pm at the Leicester Square Theatre with one of my own Desert Island Dicks, Richard Bacon and the sensational Cariad Lloyd (currently appearing as part of a fucked up menage a trois in Peep Show). Come along and watch it. I bet there will be some stuff we can’t broadcast. I reckon you will be able to buy tickets on the door if you want to make a last minute decision.
Audio RHLSTP with John Finnemore is now up here and on itunes
and the video is up in the usual places too.
