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I made my parents life Hell for many years with my love of scatology - I could do the 28 years old joke here, but arguably I continued it long beyond that young age. Certainly as a nipper my catchphrase was “Wee wee, poo poo, bottom†which I found endlessly funny (still do, am waiting for it to get tired, but it never does). I remember being told to stop it and I remember everyone getting exasperated with me. But I am not an idiot. That just made it funnier. That’s why I was doing it. For the reaction, for the power. Adults ruled the roost, but they couldn’t stop me saying rude words over and over again and laughing. And it was them who were childish because they couldn’t just rise above it and let it go - they got annoyed and I had won. It’s genuinely the essence of all (limited) successes I have had. Just getting in a groove and staying in it til it gets not funny and then funny again.
My parents will be delighted to know that life is its own punishment and I have passed on this relentless delight in rudeness to my daughter and she’s much better at it than I ever was. I had all those years of defeating the adults, but now I am the victim and though I have to admit it’s pretty funny still, it is not as much fun to be the one whose authority is being undermined with effluent.
And I am being schooled by my daughter who has taken things to a level of disgracefulness that would take me until I was 28 years old tho reach. So rather than just talking about poo, she talks about people having their faces pooed on and people pooing out of their noo-noos and weeing out their bottoms. It’s a masterclass. If she’s this far ahead of me already then imagine where she will get to if she puts in the dedicated practice that I did.
I have stayed pretty strong to my resolution not to lose my patience with my kids. I treat them like very dedicated hecklers who have gone as far to come and live with me so they can really try and take me down. And I think I’ve pretty much managed not to let them get to me, though I have taken to try and explain to my daughter that if you do a joke all the time then it loses its power. I am nothing if not a hypocrite.
I can take being constantly told that I should have my face pooed on, though I have told her that it might be more effective and surprising if she’s occasionally nice to me so that the poo in my face is more of a surprise. But she doesn’t listen. Because her comedy instincts are good. I have told her to be careful about using stuff this powerful with people who aren’t her dad, but suspect she will have to find out the hard way that not everyone thinks poo is the funniest thing in the world. They are wrong of course, but that won’t stop it being hard for her.
