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I got an email from Lloyd Jaguar today. Who sounds like he’s a character made up by the brilliant minds that brought us Toast (and specifically Clem Fandango who I can not have too much of). But instead he’s a character made up by someone else.
The email read
"Congratulations! All you need to do now is visit the link below to get started Click here to get started earning commissions today The first step has been taken, count yourself lucky. Regards,â€
I love the passive-aggression of that “count yourself luckyâ€, given this information was unsolicited and totally unexplained. There’s not even a hint of what it’s about. Perhaps to encourage you to click. But it did not make me want to click
Also Lloyd Jaguar, who I would love to meet and would have clicked on anything if that had been the offer, had let himself down, by signing the email as Jude Peters.
I don’t want to meet Jude Peters. There’s a Clem Fandango if I’ve ever seen one. And not a funny pretend Clem Fandango. An actual Clem Fandango. I would throw myself into a threshing machine to avoid having a drink with one of those.
Jude or Lloyd if those are his real names (they aren’t. He doesn’t exist) had given himself a weirdly specific address which he included in the email. Sure, don’t bother mentioning what the job is, but please give us a post code.
If you want to write to him/pop in for a cup of tea, he’s at 24 Asfordby Rd AIRD UIGE HS2 9YH. I thought that was just a randomly generated collection of letters, but Aird Urge is a real place. It’s on the Isle of Lewis. So a long way to go for tea (for me. I don’t know where you live, but for nearly all of you I bet it’s at least a day’s travel). Especially as there is no Asfordby Rd in the vicinity. And as Asfordby is in Leicestershire I doubt that there’s a specific road that leads there from the Isle of Lewis. But maybe there is a trading route I don’t know about.
There’s an Asfordby Rd in Melton Mowbray though. Maybe Lloyd Jaguar wasn’t that good at coming up with pretend addresses and used the first part of his actual address and just changed the town. Perhaps he live at 24 Asfordby Road in Melton Mowbray. If so then he lives at the Royal Air Force Association. If you live in Melton Mowbray, first, is there an Aird Uige Road in town. Second, please pop by Asfordby Road and ask for Lloyd Jaguar and if he’s not there. see if Jude Peters is around. And if he is, slap him in the face. If you want to ring to ask the telephone number is pretty easy to find. Don’t do that though.
I don’t want to get targeted by a drone.
And video
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