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Tuesday 13th April 2021

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We got Wolfie back yesterday after a couple of months with the in-laws.  She’s a bit confused but it’s good to have her here again and its efficacious to be having to take her on walks. It gets me back listening to audio books and podcasts and thinking and observing nature. On tonight’s walk I saw what really looked like a hare standing stock still on the field, a couple of hundred yards away. The stance and ears gave it away. But it wasn’t moving at all and as I walked onwards, looking to see if it would bolt in fear from the dog (who hadn’t noticed it), it transformed, like a real world 3D optical illusion into a grouse or similar bird. It still wasn’t moving and it was in shadow so it was very hard to be sure. It then transformed back into a hare and then, I fancied that it was just a weird bit of sticking up wood or stone. Then I was convinced it was a bird and then finally, as it had for most of my observation, it became a hare. 
I have no idea which of the three it was, or indeed if it might have been something else altogether. The total lack of movement probably indicates it was just some debris, but a hare or a bird might have just been waiting to see how things played out before they made their move. It was fun to be bamboozled and I enjoyed the trick my eyes were playing on me and the hallucinations that come from feeling happy and free and finally getting life back to normal. The evening sun was shining and the valley looked green and beautiful and I noticed that I was alive and was grateful for that.
Some mysteries are better left as mysteries. We will never know what that entity was. Unless it’s in the same place tomorrow, in which case it’s probably a lump of rubbish.

I hit my step target on my watch for the first time since late February, though my body felt a bit weary from the exercise this afternoon and I went to bed and watched Tenable and thought about doing an Emergency Questions desk page a day desk calendar. I wrote the first 8 entries. So less than 51 weeks to go.
I made slow progress with Relativity, but it’s perhaps too soon to get back into full work mode. I fancy it was the mental exercise, rather than the physical that  knackered me out. I spoke to the nurse at the cancer centre yesterday, who seemed surprised that I was up and running so soon and she told me that it might be a few months before I am properly back to normal. But I am not pushing myself and am stopping when my brain and body tell me to. I don’t like to use the word hero to describe how brave I have been in carrying on with the podcasts days after surgery and chemo. But sadly it is the only word that applies to me. 


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